


The Moss-Lyman's

by ghostlyandcoastly



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Family Fluff, Marriage, proposal, they love each other so much???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-11-13 03:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18024095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostlyandcoastly/pseuds/ghostlyandcoastly
Summary: post series fluff fic with sprinkle of occasional family angst





	1. Chapter 1

_Josh_

_November 19th, 2009_

"Hello?" Donna picks up on the second ring.

"Hey, it's me."

"I do have caller ID, Joshua."

"Why aren't you home yet?" I might be whining a little. I mean, come on! She's the one who gets all finicky about getting to the airport on time.

"I'm at the store." Very informative, thanks.

"Getting what? We're all packed. Meticulously." Last night, Donna and I packed for our trip. She had an extensive list.

"Ohhh, nothing." I know that tone. My irritation flies out the window immediately. Now I just want her here so she can have her wicked way with me.

"What store might you be at ma'am?" My voice has dropped a couple octaves.

"One you'll be glad I stopped at." I cannot wait for this vacation. I never thought I'd say that but then I got a life. Plus last time Donna and I were in Hawaii, we hardly left our bedroom. I'm hoping for a repeat.

"Take as much time as you need. We can find another flight." She laughs at me. Because of course she does! It's Donna.

"I'll be home soon. Love you."

"Love you too."

After we hang up, I look around the apartment. It's changed a lot in one year. For one, newspaper and files aren't strewn across every surface. There's pictures on the shelves and pillows on the couch. Our bookcase is packed. There are little touches of Donna everywhere and our lives together.

I get changed into jeans and a more casual button down for the trip. I load the suitcases into the car because we are cutting it close in Donna time to get to the airport. I take out about half of the files that are in my backpack and leave them in the den. I grab Donna some snacks because she hates spending money in the airport because everything is so overpriced. Truthfully, we don't need to worry about money. Donna and I have pretty much the highest jobs you can in the White House. Her salary isn't an assistant's anymore but she's still in the girl on a budget mindset. She refuses to acknowledge that we share expenses now and therefore  _really_  doesn't need to be worried.

Listen, I'm from Connecticut and I have a trust fund. It's not something I like to flaunt but I can afford to spoil Donna on things like, oh, I don't know, food at the airport.

Donna's still not back yet so instead of pacing, I sit on the bed. I try to convince myself to stop staring at the backpack. Here's the thing. There's something in there that is very important. You might be thinking that it's something work related like a classified Kazakhstan briefing or research on the new conservative tax plan.

Nope.

It's a small velvet black box hidden in one of the inside pockets.

I'm proposing to Donna in a matter of days. Then I'm going to fly to Wisconsin with her to meet her giant Irish-Italian family for Thanksgiving.

Originally the plan had been to go to Hawaii. Then we would go to Wisconsin and I had planned on asking her parents for their blessing (not permission, I'm a smart man) to marry Donna. But I changed my mind last week.

CJ was in town for the weekend and I told her what I was planning and she'd gone all teary. Instead of Sam, CJ, and I going to lunch, we went ring shopping. And now that I have it, I don't want to wait. CJ said I'd better be ready for her dad to give me the stare down if I was going to do it before talking to them but I couldn't get the idea of proposing in Hawaii on our one year anniversary out of my head. I'm turning into a sap and I don't mind it nearly as much as I thought I would.

_Donna_

_November 21st, 2009_

Okay, Josh is freaking me out.

Our flight got in late and we pretty much passed out immediately in the gigantic comfy white bed with the doors to the balcony open.

When we woke up, we ordered lunch since it was past breakfast time. Then we showered which lead to fun physical activity. Then we laid out on the balcony for about fifteen minutes before ending up back in bed to do more physical activity. We managed to leave the hotel room for dinner and a walk on the beach that was cut short by our need to get back to said hotel room. Josh and I didn't have sex for more than eight years. Next week we'll be at my parents where no sex will be taking place. We're making up for lost time and stockpiling for next week.

Which leads to why I'm freaking out now.

I hadn't even thought about making outside the hotel room plans until at least day three. It's now the morning of our second full day here and Josh has made plans? We, and I'm quoting him here, did not have time for shower sex. So we showered separately. Don't get me wrong he woke me up in a very nice way this morning and while I was satisfied, he was not! And he turned down shower sex? Who is he and what the hell does he have up his sleeve? And why the hell is it still dark outside?

I don't know how Josh managed this but we have ditched his secret service detail. I know for a fact that in order to do that he has to fill out many tedious forms. That's Josh's least favorite thing.

He got a car service and we're in the backseat, winding up a mountain right now. He's bouncing. If I wasn't suspicious before, I am now.

"Donna?" He sounds weird.

"Yes, Josh?" I may have snapped a little. Sue me, I'm not a morning person. I reiterate- It's still dark! My tone makes Josh smirk a little which is comforting because at least that's normal.

"Do you trust me?" He asks. I can hear the mischief and the nerves in his voice and I don't know whether to strangle him or kiss the hell out of him.

"What kind of question is that?"

"Listen, I have a surprise. In order for it to be a surprise, you have to put this on." He pulls a blindfold out of his pocket. I look at him with my eyebrows shooting up my forehead.

"You- you are insane!"

"It won't be for that long, I promise. We're close." He's giving me the dimples and the puppy dog eyes and dammit! I grab the blindfold and go to tie it but he takes it from me and puts it on ever-so gently. There's something erotic about it. He must agree because he's planting soft kisses along my jaw and my neck.

A minute or two later, the car stops and I feel Josh exit the car on his side. I hear my door open and Josh helps me step down. I can't say I'm a huge fan of not knowing where I'm going.

He leads me somewhere and then tells me to stay there for a minute. My patience with this is wearing thin. I can hear him whispering a little bit away with someone but I'm not sure what they're saying.

He's leading me somewhere again and the ground changes to some kind of gravel. He stops me and I hear him take a deep breath.

_Josh_

_November 21st, 2009_

I'm shaking. I take a deep breath and look around. The sun is just starting to rise and everything looks beautiful. We're in the middle of a botanical garden on a mountain in Hawaii and none of that matters because I'm about to propose to the most breathtaking women on earth.

I reach up to pull the blindfold from her and watch as she blinks, adjusting to the light. She looks at me first. She cocks her head, confused probably at my nerves.

Then she looks around.

"Josh?" Her blue eyes are fixed back at me.

"Hi." Seven sixty verbal. And that's all I can say when she looks at me like this.

"Joshua…" She sounds a little teary. I think she knows what I'm about to do. Oh god. I hope those are good tears.

"Donnatella, I love you more than I can put into words. Sam offered to help me on that front but I thought that'd be a little weird so, uh, bear with me here-"

"Jo-"

"Donna, you've gotta let me get this out!" I whine a little because she reduces me to a little boy. She smiles and nods. I continue. "You showed up out of the blue in my life. To this day, I don't know how you saw that working out, just pretending like you were supposed to be there. Ah. No interrupting." I saw she was about to interrupt with some smart ass comment but I've got one advantage here. I smirk a little before coming back down to reality. "The thing is you did belong there. We belong together. Some days you're going to want to strangle me and some days I'm going to be exasperated with you. We're going to argue and crowd each other and nag one another and love each other. Last year Sam told me to get a life and I can't imagine one without you. With you, I can imagine a life with joy and energy and curiosity and adventure and warmth. I want you to be the mother of my kids and I want to grow old with you. I want you to be my wife." I can't look at her now. I look at the ground, get on one knee, and reach in my pocket. I finally look up at her. She's crying and biting her lip but her eyes are smiling and her hand is over her heart like she's trying to calm it.

"Donnatella, will you marry me?"

"Of course, Josh." Her voice breaks as she says my name and my face breaks out into a smile so big it almost hurts. I pop up to capture her in my arms. Her arms go around my neck and I stroke her cheek with my thumb. "I love you so much." My heart is pounding but everything feels so right. I kiss her softly, lingering in the feeling.

I reach up to pull her left hand as I step away. I take the ring out of the box and put it on her finger. Her hand is shaking a little and the ring looks right at home on her finger.

"Josh, it's beautiful. It's…" I know what she's going to say.

"If you say it's too much, Donnatella, then I did not do a very good job of showing you how much you mean to me." She pulls me in for a kiss in response and now that both of my hands are free, I clutch her to me and put everything I have into this kiss.

"I know how much I mean to you. I just don't need fancy things to prove it. But I do love it. It's perfect." She says when we pull apart slightly, resting our foreheads against one another.

"You're going to be my wife." I whisper, feeling a bit overwhelmed at how very much I love her.

_Donna_

_November 25th, 2009_

It's Thanksgiving day. We're at the airport in Madison and Josh is on the phone. He's holding my left hand as he tries to talk Sam down from whatever has him so panicked at work. Josh doesn't seem to worried about whatever it is.

He is worried though. Just not about work at the moment.

He's worried about facing my family.

And he's not entirely unjustified in that fear.

He's going to have to face my dad, my stepdad, Grandpa Joe, my Nonna, and my brothers. Which would nerve wracking without the shiny piece of jewelry on my left hand. My sister and my mother are going to be ecstatic. I keep reminding him that he's signed on for life with my family now. He'll frown deeper for a second then break out into a small smile. Any other man and I'd be afraid of them running for the hills when they meet my family. Hell, Josh a year ago would have high tailed it out of there faster than I could say his name. But he's changed and he loves me and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together.

Mom is going to kill him for making us late to lunch though.

_Josh_

_November 25th, 2009_

The SUV pulls up to Bob and Kath's house. I can't stop my leg from bouncing. There are two children playing on the tire swing hanging from one of the trees. The house is two stories, painted in brown with a red door. A Thanksgiving themed flag hangs by the door.

Donna and I wait in the car for Secret Service protocol but I notice that the two kids are now running towards the car. Jerry, the agent in charge for this trip opens the door on Donna's side. She slides out and runs to the kids.

One of them has curly red hair that is flying everywhere. She looks about eleven. Then there's a little boy who looks a little like the kid from Home Alone but with glasses and braces. He seems about eight or nine.

"Aunt Ella!" They're squealing and have attached themselves to her leg. The door flies open and more tiny humans come running. "Ella! Ella! Ella! Aunt Ella!" Who the hell is Ella?

"Hi guys!" She picks up the smallest one and plants a kiss on his forehead. I stand behind her awkwardly, not sure what I'm supposed to do.

A couple adults have come running out behind the kids, jackets in hand. It's not snowing right now but there's an inch or two on the ground.

"Jackson, Ciara. Get over here right now and put on your jackets! Hi Donna!" A woman who looks about my age with wavy brown hair yells over as she gets closer.

"Hi Rachel!" Donna waves back.

"Alright, get off my kid sister before you hooligans break her. You're a stick, Ella!" Donna's brother is next. I recognize him from photos. This is either Luke or Tony- I'm not entirely sure. I know every face in the House of Representatives but show me one of the three Moss brothers and I'm at a loss. Okay, not totally. The youngest is Kolbe and he's not a hulking mass of a former football player. I've also met him before so that helps with recognizing him.

"Tony!" Donna squeals as he picks her up. Wait a second. Donna is Ella. Maybe that should have been obvious. I blame jetlag.

"Seriously, do you not eat in D.C.? Nonna is going to have a fit." Tony puts her down pinching her thin arm. She rolls her eyes at him. I'm just standing in wait for someone to notice the ring.

"Tony, this is Josh. Josh, this is my big brother Tony. And his wife Rachel." Rachel comes over to me and hugs me, surprising me a little.

"Nice to meet ya!" She says then adds, "Oh, don't mind him. His bark is worse than his bite." I assume she's referring to the part where Tony is staring me down. She goes over to hug Donna and nudges her hulk of a husband over to me.

"Josh." He shakes my hand and I genuinely think it might break.

"Nice to meet you." I say when I've regained the ability to speak. More people have joined us it seems. I don't know why we're doing this outside in the cold.

I spot Kolbe and he hugs me.

"Good to see ya again, Josh."

"You too." I genuinely mean it this time. I like Kolbe. I figure I'll have Kolbe and Kathy on my side if nothing else. Kathy won't let me be pummeled by the rest of them. She knew I loved her daughter from her first step into the hospital room in Gaza. Plus she voted for Santos in the primary instead of the guy her daughter was working for. Donna claims that her mother like me better and Kolbe joked when he came to Fourth of July that I was her favorite son. I'll take it.

"Oh my god!" We all look over at a woman who looks like an older version of Donna. I'm pretty sure it's her sister, Francesca. She's staring at Donna. More specifically at Donna as she hugs the other hulking mass of a brother. Perhaps to be even more specific… she's looking at Donna's hand. "YOU'RE ENGAGED!?"

Uh oh.

I can see Kolbe trying not to laugh at my panicked expression as Tony, Francesca, and Luke turn to me with fire in their eyes.

"Kids! Get out of the snow!" A voice bellows from the door. When no one follows immediately, he adds, "Excuse me! Now!" The grandkids are the first to take the cue. Francesca turns on her heel and walks away. Donna's face falls for a second before she pastes a smile on her face.

"You can grill Josh and I inside, let's go." She takes Luke and Tony by the arms and Kolby and I follow behind them.

"Good luck, man." He whispers to me.

I feel like a goldfish wandering willingly into the shark's mouth.

_Donna_

_November 25th, 2009_

Fran looks really upset with me.

When she just turned and walked away, my stomach dropped. I mean, I expected my family to give Josh a hard time but I didn't think Francesca or anyone really would have an actual problem.

"Donnatella!" My mom wraps me in a hug the second I get in the door. "Fran just said you're engaged! Where's my son in law?" She kisses me on the cheek before turning to Josh and tackling him. At least mom is happy. I knew she would be. She's in love with Josh.

You should have heard her when I was campaigning for Bob Russell.  _Is Josh alright? I saw him on TV, he looks skinny. Tell him I'll send him food. Why aren't you with the Santos campaign? Santos is very attractive. I'm going to volunteer for Santos here. Tell Josh!_

I didn't have the heart to tell her at the time that we weren't speaking really. After the disastrous job interview with Josh after the primary, I came home and cried and told her everything. She was supportive, of course. And she was mad at Josh for turning me away. But I think there was a part of her that mourned the loss of who she thought would be her future son-in-law. Her relief was palpable when I got the call to come aboard the Santos train.

"Joshua! You work too hard. Come in, come in. Don't let these idiots scare you." She tells him, dragging him away.

"Donna?" I turn to the voice. It's Bob, my step dad. I just call him dad. My mom has been with him since I was in middle school. Fran and Tony were too old by the time he entered our lives to consider him their father but Luke, Kolby, and I sure do. "Are you happy with him?" He asks me quietly.

"I am. I really am." I tell him, tears springing to my eyes at the look of sentimentality he's giving me.

"I love you, Ella. Congratulations." He hugs me then turns to Luke and Tony who are watching with slightly guilty expressions. "Boys, are you going to congratulate your little sister?" Even if Tony doesn't call him dad, Bob still has the authority in this house.

"Congrats, kiddo."

"Yeah, congrats, Ella." They both hug me and go back to the den to watch football or check on their kids. Dad just shrugs at me. We walk to the kitchen to check in with Mom and Josh.

Nonna has him cornered having him taste various items. And knowing her she's tried to squeeze his butt a few times. I did warn him about her.

"Donnatella! Let me see the ring!" Nonna drops what she's doing and scampers over to me. "Oh, very good, Josh! Good job, Donnatella. Marry a rich man! That's what I tried to tell your mother!"

"Mom!" My mom yelps.

"Hush, dear. You know I love Bob."

"Love you too, Gigi." My dad is helping my mom with bringing the food to the table now.

"Kiss ass." Nonna mutters before turning to Josh. "He knows what he's doing. Learn from Bobby."

"Yes ma'am." Josh says, trying to tamp down his grin. Nonna pats him on the face and follows my mom and dad to the dining room, leaving us alone. Josh immediately wraps me in his arms. "How ya doin'?"

"I'm good. What about you? Running for the hills?"

"You're not getting rid of me that easily. Besides I stick around here and I think Nonna is gonna give me a little action." He smirks at me and I roll my eyes while trying not to grin. His expression softens though. "What about your sister? You okay?"

"You noticed that?" I grimace. He kisses my forehead. "Yeah. I'm fine. I just didn't expect… I don't know Fran and I are weird sometimes. I guess I just thought this would be different." He doesn't say anything but he does pull me in for a kiss.

"Donna, Josh, you do have a room, you know?" My mother must have snuck back into the kitchen. Stealthy, that woman. I didn't even hear her.

Josh pulls away and squeezes my hands.

"I'm going to go grab the suitcases. Give you two some time to catch up." He leaves the kitchen. My mom is scurrying around like she usually is on a holiday with a full house.

"Let me see it again. I only saw it for a second when you first came in." I hold out my hand. She actually stops what she's doing. "Wow… I can see what Nonna was talking about." I blush quite a bit. "Oh, Donnatella, I'm so happy for you two." She hugs me quickly before pulling back to return to her mental to do list.

"What can I do?"

"Go help Josh with your bags. He'll probably get lost in this place." Mom huffs a bit. Her and Bob bought this place with what they'd saved up five years ago. Before that, mom had always lived in smaller places. She thinks this is extravagant. There are three bedrooms upstairs plus the master on the first floor and an entire basement. Nonna lives in the basement. It's a whole set up down there. She has her own mini kitchen and everything. Mom and dad live on the first floor and the second floor is only ever used for holidays or when grandkids visit. Bob tells her all the time that it's perfectly reasonable. There are eleven (and counting) grandkids after all.

I meet Josh in the entryway and take a bag from him.

"Come on, we're up here." I tell him, throwing him a slightly sensual smile.

Kolby and his wife Jenna are in one room with their eighteen month old, Kylie as they live in Philadelphia. The other room is occupied by Luke and his wife Molly- they're live in Wisconsin but about two hours away. Their two kids, Brandon and Mckenna, are sleeping on the sofa downstairs. Tony and Fran and their families live less than fifteen minutes away so they just come for the day.

Once we get the bags in the room, I collapse on the bed. I'm exhausted. It's been less than twenty minutes and I'm ready to be back celebrating my engagement in D.C. Josh pushes me over so he can get in since the bed is pushed against the wall. He wraps his arms around my waist and I flop over, burying my head in his chest.

"You and your mom didn't talk very long." He says.

"She likes the ring. She's very happy for us. She just gets very particular on holidays." I sigh. I pull my head up, resting my chin on his chest so I can see him. He looks down at me with those beautiful brown eyes and damn, if I don't want to get back to Hawaii activities.

"Are you disappointed?" He asks.

"No. Really. I'm not. Not about her. It's Fran that's still bothering me. I didn't see her in the living room or anywhere else. I'm worried."

"Why?" He asks sensitively.

"Fran is weird. Our relationship is weird. She's  _thirteen_  years older than I am. She quit college when Pat left so she could come help mom with us. You know this…" I hesitate. I don't want to bore him to death or make him worry. "It's just I've always been trying to impress her. Maybe. I don't know. Mom worked all the time. Fran was around. When Bob came around, she went back to college of course. But I've just felt like this burden on her, scampering after her, trying to get her to like me."

"Donna, she likes you. She  _loves_  you."

"You don't know that." I put my face back down. He pushes the hair out of my face.

"I do. I know you. She's your sister. You are the most lovable person I know. It's impossible not to  _like_  you." Josh is so sweet sometimes. I don't answer him with words but I do attack his lips.

"Aunt Ella!"

"SSh! They were kissing!"

"Ewwwww."

I jump off Josh and look over at our intruders. It's Mckenna and Lily, my eight and six year old nieces.

"Hi Aunt Ella! Grammy says food is ready!" Lily informs us.

"Aunt Ella, are you getting married? Daddy says you're getting married!"

"I am! To Josh. Josh, this is Princess Mckenna and Princess Lily." I jump up and scoop up Lily and tossle Mckenna's hair. They're the girly girls of the family. Josh looks a little wary.

"Hi Uncle Josh! We need to go to dinner now." Mckenna grabs him by the hand and pulls him out the door. He throws a look my way, clearly saying  _what the hell just happened?_

Welcome to the family, Josh.

_Josh_

_November 25th, 2019_

I'm being dragged downstairs by Princess Mckenna who is stronger than she looks. Right when we reach the end of the stairs she takes off running. Donna puts Lily down who chases after her. Donna takes my hand.

"So you're about to meet my dad." She whispers to me as I look over to see a gangly older man with a shaved head and tattoos coming towards us.  _That's_  Donna's biological father? Well… okay.

"Ella! C'mere give your old man a hug." Donna gives me an encouraging smile and drops my hand to go over and hug him. Behind her back he's glaring at me. Here's the thing. I'm not afraid of Patrick Moss. This is a guy who got Kathy pregnant when she was seventeen, married her then knocked her up again three years later. And while she was pregnant with Tony, he took off for a few years. He came back. Got sober. Stuck around for a decade then bailed again after having three more kids. Donna was the youngest and she was five at the time. Kathy divorced him and stayed gone for a while. He came back for Donna's middle school graduation but he wasn't sober. Since then Pat's sobriety has been off and on. He's been sober for the past two years hence him being allowed at Thanksgiving but Donna and Kathy were hurt by this guy and I'm not inclined to let that go.

"Pat, this is Josh, my fiance." Donna introduces us. We shake hands quickly and stiffly but neither of us say anything. Luckily the moment isn't too awkward because Kathy calls everyone to the table.

I sit next to Donna, across from Luke and next to Nonna who elbowed Kolby away from taking the seat next to me. I see Donna try to hide a smile at that. I pinch her knee and she holds in a giggle. It's nearly unbearably adorable.

There's a lot of chaos as everyone settles in. Aside from the main table, there are a couple of card tables around the room in order for everyone to fit. Kathy sits at the head of one side and Francesca at the other, their husbands next to them.

"Listen up!" Bob calls. Everyone looks at Kathy.

"Thank you everyone for being here. It's been awhile since I've had everyone here and we're so happy to have our whole family here. Before we say grace and before everyone says what they're thankful for, I want to toast to our youngest daughter and our newest family member, Donnatella and Josh!" I feel my face heat up a bit at the attention and Donna is blushing too. We smile at each other and I thank Kathy. Everyone toasts and I'm surprised at how much everyone seems to be accepting it. Well, not counting Francesca and Pat.

"Now let's say what we're thankful for. I'll start. I'm thankful for all of my beautiful grandkids." Kathy starts.

"That's a hint to you two to get started." Nonna pipes in, nudging me. Kathy rolls her eyes and most of the table laughs.

"I'm thankful for a wife and a mother in law who have put together such an amazing meal!" Bob contributes, clearly navigating away from Nonna's humor.

"I'm thankful for my wife putting up with my two brats." Luke goes next, tossling his daughter's hair next to him. The love in his eyes is clear though.

"I'm thankful that Aunt Ella is here! I haven't seen her in  _aaaages!_ " Mckenna goes next. The table laughs at her dramatics.

"I'm thankful for the week off from school!" Molly, Luke's wife, says. I think Donna told me she's a teacher.

"I'm thankful for my soccer team!" Hunter, one of Tony's twins, answers.

"I'm thankful for french fries!" Gunner, the other twin, announces.

"I'm thankful that Jackson survived his first high school dance!" Tony smiles over at his son who puts his head in his hands.

Next is Pat and I really don't know what to expect.

"I'm thankful for second, third, and twenty fourth chances." He nods at Kathy who smiles at him. There's a quiet moment but Francesca breaks it before it gets too awkward.

"I'm thankful to have our Nonna and Grandpa Joe here!"

"You kids can't get rid of us!" Grandpa Joe pipes in, wearing his WWII US Marines hat. Grandpa Joe is Pat's dad and was more supportive and consistent of Kathy and the kids while Pat took off.

The rest of the thankfulness is fairly lighthearted. When it gets to Nonna, I'm expecting some joke about something inappropriate but then I notice she's tearing up.

"I'm a very old woman. And when Marco, my husband, died all those years ago, I was so afraid I would be all alone. But my daughter took me in. And I have all these grandbabies and great grandbabies and tii amo moltissimo." Francesca's husband on her other side puts an arm around her.

"I love you Nonna!" Lily says which the rest of the little kids rush to echo. When that's died down… it's showtime.

God, this is nerve wracking. Donna puts her hand on my knee reassuringly. I turn to her and look her in those gorgeous eyes.

"I'm thankful for Donna, for everything she is to me and for bringing me into her family." I think Donna actually swoons a little but I really did mean it. My family was quiet and small. Especially after Joanie died. The Bartlet administration gave me more family than I expected but Donna is letting me into her crazy, rambunctious family and I feel whole.

_Donna_

_November 26th, 2009_

Josh and I officially survived Thanksgiving Day.

After dinner, Josh and I did dishes with Bob who was surprised at just how efficient we were. Josh and I are just good teammates.

We joined the adults in the living room where everyone watched football. The kids were either playing in the den or outside. At some point, I fell asleep on Josh's shoulder. A full stomach plus jetlag had gotten to me. Josh woke me up and we used the flight as the excuse to take a nap.

That nap was put off a little bit by making out but at one point as I was kissing his neck, he yawned. Which made me giggle. Then yawn. So we went to sleep.

When I woke up, Josh was sitting at the desk working on his laptop.

"Hey." I sat up. He turned around to me and his face changed from work mode to Hawaii activity mode in a second.

I swore that I wouldn't have sex at my parents' house but it was actually kind of fun trying to stay quiet, challenging the other to  _not_.

I probably shouldn't be thinking of that right now. I'm eating breakfast with my brothers and a couple of nieces and nephews- the group of us that woke up later than the others. Josh was up with the first group, of course.

When we were finished, I told Kolby and Luke that I didn't mind doing the dishes. They asked me if I was sure since I did them last night but I didn't mind. I didn't really want to watch sports in the living room and Josh was in the SUV on a sensitive phone call.

"Grandma?! Ciara!?" I heard the door open and a scurry of footsteps. I'm pretty sure that was Sara calling out. Great, that means Francesca is here.

When Josh and I came downstairs after our "nap" my mom made us sandwiches for dinner since Thanksgiving "dinner" was more of a lunch. Everyone that wasn't staying at the house was gone except for Grandpa Joe who was downstairs having a beer with Nonna and watching MASH. I felt weird because I wasn't sure when I'd see Fran next and I should probably find out what her deal is.

She was downright frosty to me yesterday and I had stood in the shower this morning holding back tears. Not just because it's a disappointment but because I'm angry at myself for caring this much about her opinion.

"Ella?" Fran enters the kitchen. I look over and give her a polite smile for a greeting and turn back to the dishes. She picks up a dish towel and starts drying. "So it's been pointed out to me that I may owe you an apology."

My stomach turns over and I look at her in shock. Apologies aren't really what my family does. It's more passive aggressive comments that turn into vague allusions to apologies and then some kind of act of kindness. But addressing things directly? Not really the Moss family style. It doesn't surprise me that she won't look at me. I turn back to the dishes because it'll be an easier conversation if we focus on the task we're doing.

"You're my baby sister. There's a lot that we've… tried to shield you from. You were five. I was practically your second parent for… God, I don't know. Years. Even when Bob was in the picture I still felt responsible for you. Mom did her best but when dad left, there wasn't money and she had to work a lot and so I was there-"

"I know this, you know. I was there."

"You were… but again we did try to shield you from stuff. Mom was… devastated. And dad took a lot of their money when he left that time. Mom was depressed, severely." She pauses, as if to let those words sink in. I never knew that. I guess it stands to reason but… I still don't get why she's telling me this now! "You're a lot like him, you know. I know you don't want to hear this but you're passionate and you're fiercely independent and I just… I know he's done bad things but I wish you had more good times with him."

"What's the point of this?!" I snap, dropping a bowl into the soapy water.

"Don't be a brat, Donna!" She looks up, her tone all mothering.

"Don't be a bitch, Fran!" I raise my voice at her.

"God, I'm trying- dammit, Ella!" She yells back at me. "You couldn't even call your sister! You got engaged and you couldn't call me!?"

"That's what this is about!? Oh my god! You are unbelievable. I knew I'd see everyone in a few days-"

"I'm not talking about everyone! I'm talking about me! You used to go around telling everyone you were my mini me! What happened? Why don't you care about your family anymore? Do you think you're above us!? Is the First Lady going to be your Maid of Honor!?"

"You are so petty! You're jealous of me! That's ridiculous! You're fu-"

"Okay! Okay." Josh has entered and put an arm around me. "Let's go take a minute." I'm so angry I could spit. My sister is insane! Was Josh eavesdropping!? Why did he interrupt me!? God dammit!

"Hey, guys go inside please." Josh says as he takes me into the garage. Griffin and Bailey were doing something in here. My angry tears are clouding my vision so I don't even know what it was. I'm surprised that they listen so readily to Josh. Maybe they're just freaked about seeing my cry though.

"What the hell, Josh!? Were you just out there waiting to come in!?" I push myself out of his arms.

"Donna, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I was coming to check on you and I'd just heard things heating up and I was going to leave but I figured I'd stay just in case you needed me. I got you out of there before you said something you'd regret." He's steadfast in what he's saying but I resent hearing it.

"She's not coming to the wedding." I snap.

"Donna…"

"No! She's not! All she ever does is make me feel small. She can't handle me succeeding or being happy or being an adult!"

"Listen, we don't have to invite anyone you don't want there. All I want is for you to be happy. But let's not make any decisions while you're this upset." I hate him being the reasoned, measured one.

"I'm not upset!"

"Donna?" He raises an eyebrow at me. I take a breath before letting it go.

"You're right… It's annoying when that happens."

"Sorry babe." He smiles at me. "Can I hug you now please?" He asks. I nod hurriedly. I don't know why I can't stop crying but dammit. Family makes you emotional, okay?

"Thank you." I whisper.

"You're welcome. I love you."

"I love you too."

We stay like that, wrapped up in each other until the garage gets too cold for my thin sweater even with Josh's heat. Inside my mom is pacing in the living room.

"Oh, Ella. You two!" She admonishes me but hugs me anyways. "You alright?" I nod. "Okay, good. Now go talk to your sister." I wrinkle my nose at this. "Donnatella!" I'm going to have to learn that tone for when Josh and I have kids.

Wait.

Woah.

I find Francesca downstairs drinking cocoa with Nonna. Nonna makes some excuse and leaves, giving me a kiss before leaving.

"So…" I begin when it's clear she won't.

"I was going to apologize."

"Right."

"I was! I'm just not… good at it."

"Francesca Moss admits she's not good at something?" I joke and sit next to her. She rolls her eyes at me then takes a deep breath.

"What I wanted to say… Donna, this is hard for me, okay? I like being your hero. I know I stopped being that a long time ago but this is weird, okay?"

"Fran, you're my big sister. It's corny but you still are my hero."

"Even when I'm a bitch?"

"That might have been a bit harsh?" I cringe a little.

"Nah. You were right. You're thirty years old. I can't treat you how I treat my teenagers… What I was trying to say was that I've never stopped wanting to protect you. And I couldn't protect you from Max… And you dropped out of school and I was so mad at you and you were so mad at me and I couldn't see how horrible he was. I didn't protect you from-" She pauses as she chokes up. I grab her hand.

"Josh calls Max Dr. Freeride." I don't know why I say it but it works. She laughs.

"Yeah… have you told him?"

"Not everything… I will. Especially now that we're engaged. Josh takes being protective to the next level."

"You should tell him. I'm glad he's protective. I couldn't protect you from Max and I couldn't protect you from… the bomb… and it was so obvious you were in love with your boss when you would call and not come home and I didn't know anything about Josh other than he was older and your boss and that he overworked you. I just hate that bad things happen to you. I want to wrap you in bubble wrap and keep you in Madison."

"I can't imagine how your daughters feel." I joke but I am touched by how much she cares.

"I don't know Josh that well… Seeing you suddenly engaged… When the last I'd heard was that you two were barely speaking again and then oh! Now you're engaged... it scared me. And I was mad because it felt like you were shutting me out."

"I'm not shutting you out. And you should get to know Josh. I love him. He's nothing like Max or… well, anyone else I've ever met."

"I just want you to be happy and safe."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Ella."

_Josh_

_November 26th, 2009_

I wake up pretty early so I'm surprised when I go downstairs to try to fineagle my way with the coffee machine that Bob is up as well. He's dressed and ready for the day. Bob pretty much looks like a computer generated version of a stepdad. He's even wearing a sweater vest.

"Morning, Josh." He greets me. I feel a little silly standing there in the too large blue pajama pants and an undershirt that's wrinkled from when Donna threw it on the floor last night.

"Good morning, sir."

"Oh, none of that  _sir_  crap. I'm not the president or nothin'." He laughs at his joke. "Call me Bob. What are you doing up so early? I know there's no way Donna's up."

"She's still asleep. I had to wake up to call in to our senior staff meeting. Donna slept through it."

"Not surprised about that. You could have been yelling and having a one-man-percussion band in there and she still would've been dead to the world. You should've seen her as a teenager." We both chuckle. I'd always thought Donna was a morning person. This was before we started sleeping the same room. She was the one who usually called me in the morning when she was my assistant. Apparently, she'd set ten alarms in between five a.m. and five thirty just to make sure she'd wake herself up in time to call me. These days I'm her alarm.*

Bob's comment about her being a teenager gives me pause. It's something I've been thinking about since we got here. This isn't the house she grew up in but I do wonder what she was like. I would've been in law school and starting out at the hill while she was a teenager though so perhaps it's a rabbit hole better left alone.

Bob notices that I've taken a trip inside my head and raises an eyebrow at me, handing me a cup of coffee.

"Just thinking about what you said, Donna being a teenager and what not." He smiles at this response. There's a note of mischief in this smile that makes me think of Donna. They may not be related but there are definitely some things that he passed on to Donna.

"Come with me. I know where Kathy keeps the yearbooks." Bob leads the way.

In the attic, there's a box for each kid that contains things like trophies and yearbooks and other memorabilia.

"She was president of her freshman class, ya know?" Bob says, finding Donna's box.

"I didn't actually." I do love that she's always been interested in politics.

"Yeah. She got frustrated by the end of the year because the adults didn't let the kids do very much so she didn't do it the following year." He shrugs. Sounds like Donna. I pull a yearbook out. "That's her senior year. The red tab should be her senior page." Kathy has the organizational inclinations of Donna and had put color-coded tabs on the relevant pages.

I flipped to the page and and a much younger Donna stared up at me. It was the typical senior page. Purple with white polka dots, a large solo picture of her in the middle with smaller picture of her with friends and family scattered on the borders.

There's one of her and her friend Stephanie Gault. There's another of her and Kolby at some kind of amusement park. But the one that makes my heart stop for a second is at the top left corner. She's a baby. Maybe six months old. Francesca is holding her and smiling down at the baby in her arms.

In that moment, I have a vision of Donna, with a baby in her arms, smiling down at their daughter. It takes my breath away and it's just an idea at the moment. Donna and I have talked about kids in passing. We both want them but we haven't talked about specifics. Now I'm wondering how I'll ever think of anything else.

"Did Donna tell you about Kathy and I?" Bob has settled himself on a chair, looking like he's about to have a serious talk with me. I resist the urge to gulp.

"Bits and pieces, sir." I answer.

"Again with the sir-"

"Sorry, habit-"

"No worries." He waves me off. "I owned a hardware store. I guess I still technically own it but Tony runs it now. Tony was seventeen, his dad was in and out, Pat was in a bad place then. Tony got in with the wrong crowd. One day him and his friends get in a fight in the parking lot of my store. I come out trying to stop it, one of my employees calls the cops. Right as they pulled up Tony tried to take swing at a kid close to me and ended up hitting me."

"Donna never told me that."

"Yeah, Donna was pretty young then. She was about eight or nine. The cops were trying to get me to press charges and I guess Donna had overheard her mom and Fran talking about it. So she managed to get on the bus on one Saturday and brought me a letter asking me to forgive her brother." I can't help the smile my face breaks out into. I can picture kid Donna, protective and independent and determined. "She's special. I tell her not to worry, that I'm not pressing charges. She thanks me and goes to leave but I stop her and call her mom. Kathy comes to pick her up, she's frantic. Apologizing and thanking me. But damn, if my world didn't just skid to a stop when she walked through those doors… I was married at the time and she was still in a sensitive place with Pat so we were friends for about five years… When we did start dating, I was scared about the kids' responses. And Fran and the boys, well, they reacted like any other kid. But Donna was just happy… She's not my daughter. Not by blood. But Josh, I love that little girl. And I've seen her go through a lot and never once question why the world was so unfair to her. So I want you to stockpile all the love and happiness you can and give it to her for the rest of your life." When he ends his monologue, we're both a little misty eyed. He stretches out his hand.

"I will, si- I mean, I will, Bob."

"You can call me dad."

_* Quick AN this little piece of head cannon about Josh being a secret morning person and Donna, ya kno, not, is heavily inspired by kcat1971's transition universe which i highly recommend!_

After my moment with Bob, I helped him and Kathy with breakfast. Apparently there would be two groups- the early risers and the Donna's. In the middle of eating breakfast with the early risers, I got a phone call from Sam. The President wanted me to sit in on a meeting with the joint chiefs because of an Israel-Iran issue. I was in the SUV on a secure line for over an hour and half and when I came in, I could hear raised voices from the kitchen.

I could tell it was Donna and she sounded upset so I waited. I really didn't mean to eavesdrop but things escalated pretty quickly and so I made a tactical decision to get Donna out of the room before she said something she'd regret.

As I held her in the garage, it hurt to think that Donna felt small every time she was around her sister. But I was reminded of what I had promised Bob. I'm to bring her as much love and happiness as I can. If she really doesn't want her sister around or if I see Francesca hurting her any more than this, I'd be quick to step in the line of fire for Donna on this. But I also know what Donna doesn't. Losing your big sister is too painful to give up willingly. So I'd support whatever decision she came to while trying to help her mend fences with Francesca.

_November 27th, 2009_

_Donna_

We're leaving today. In just a few hours.

This visit has been emotional and stressful and wonderful and exhausting. I'm volleying by the minute between being heartbroken we have to leave and hightailing it out of here. Nonna and my mother have made several grandkid comments. Josh and I both go a little pale at those. I don't think either of us are ready for  _that_.

But I am grateful to have Josh as my family. It's like a pocket of love and assurance that I'm surprised has changed over the past week or so- just because of a ring. I knew I loved Josh before this. I've loved Josh for more than a decade. There were times when we were attached at the hip in the early years and saw more of each other than we do now. But there's an intimacy now that I hadn't experienced before.

Things are a little hectic in the house right now. Josh and I still have some time but Kolby, Jenna and the baby are leaving in just a few minutes but we're waiting on Tony and his family to get here so we can all have at least a cookie and a hug goodbye. Nonna, Molly, and I did some baking earlier today. Molly and I ended up having some really good conversation about arts education that I plan on using when I get back to the office. Nonna told us to stop being boring and get to the hot gossip.

Somehow in all the chaos of getting out the door and waiting at said door, Josh was handed baby Kylie. And I swear to god, my knees just about give out. Thank god there's a couch close. He looks so much more comfortable than I could have imagined. He's bouncing her a bit and she seems enthralled. I still don't think either of us are quite ready for it but I may have to move up my time table.

There's a vision in my head of Josh holding a baby as a toddler pulls on his pant leg, trying to get her dad's attention. The smile I'm imagining grace Josh's features is enough that I'd pull him upstairs by his collars right now if it wouldn't cause quite the commotion. What can I say? The man looks good as a Moss.


	2. Future

_ Donna _

_ April 27th, 2010 _

 

We’re in California tonight for a charity fundraiser for an international women’s group. There are celebrities here. The food is fancy. The air is warm. Helen is doing great. We’ve been in office over a year now and while she took a while to get adjusted, she’s gotten a handle on these kinds of events. She doesn’t care much for the pomp and circumstance of state functions and she still gets nervous about big speeches but I’m quite proud of the First Lady she’s become.

Leaving Josh this morning was an event. He didn’t think I should go. I’ve been feeling tired and vomiting for the past few nights. I told him he was being ridiculous and that I had celebrities to meet. He jokingly warned me against flirting with Matthew Perry.

But I am not currently flirting with, talking to, or seeing Matthew Perry or any other stars. Right now I’m looking into a toilet bowl and dry heaving. There’s nothing in my stomach because my stomach was still feeling upset this morning from being awake at 4 AM and vomiting. And I was busy on the plane taking a final look through of the First Lady’s remarks and walking her through the face book of who’d be there. We were supposed to do that yesterday but Miranda had an minor incident at school so the First Lady left the East Wing early so we had to play a little catch up.

I was exhausted when we got to the hotel so I took a nap, forgetting to call Josh, and woke up later than I wanted and had to rush to get ready for the event. I called Josh while trying to get dressed but Margaret told me he was in the Sit Room. On top of all of this, I was bloated. I must be PMSing because it took quite the effort to zip up my dress. A dress I’d bought like a month ago.

“Donna? Are you alright?” Nancy, Helen’s assistant, knocks on the door. I take a deep breath to answer her but that just starts the whole heaving process again. “Donna? Should I come in?”

She probably should be with Helen but I know that Annabeth is with her so I’m not overly concerned. I’m not crazy about anyone seeing me like this but it is just Nancy. I’ve known Nancy for a long time. She worked under Mrs. Landingham and Debbie during the Bartlet Administration. I hear the door open.

“Oh, Donna.” She kneels next to me and pulls my hair back. I want Josh. I feel like crap.I want him to hold me like he did last night. “Josh? You want me to call Josh?” I must have said part of that outloud. I nod meekly at Nancy.

“Hey, Margaret. It’s me. Is Josh in his office? Donna wants to talk to him.” I hear Margaret say something and wait. “Hey, Josh. Donna isn’t feeling very good- she wanted to talk to you. Donna? Should I put it on speakerphone for you?” I shake my head a little and pull myself into a better position, leaning against the wall but close enough to the toilet just in case. I take the phone from Nancy.

“Hi.” My voice sound hoarse.

“Hey, there. How’s it goin’?” I can hear the concern in his voice even though he’s trying to keep it light.

“Ugh. It’s fine. I’m just…” I really can’t explain why I start tearing up. I just suddenly miss home and Josh and I don’t want to be sick. I feel like a child. “Don’t you dare say I told you so.”

“Wouldn’t dream it. Do you have a fever?”

“No. I’m still just tired and getting sick. Well, not even that. I’ve thrown up so much these past few days my body has given up on it.”

“When was the last time you ate?” Uh oh. I should’ve thought of this before I asked to talk to him. “Donna…” He says when I don’t answer. When I’m still quiet, he gets annoyed. “Donna! You have to eat!” And then I’m crying again. His voice immediately gets softer. “Hey, hey. I’m sorry. I just want you to take care of yourself.”

Poor Nancy just sits on the floor with me for the next ten minutes as Josh soothes me. I’m feeling much more in control of my stomach and my emotions after we hang up but I’m still not quite up to the event.

Nancy helps me up and goes to tell the First Lady I’m going back to the hotel. The cab ride is pretty miserable but I get to the hotel and collapse into the bed. I don’t know how I’m this tired. I’ve been sick before! This doesn’t even feel like the flu or anything. Ugh.

I leave Josh a voicemail that I’m safe and going to sleep and that I’ll see him in the morning. A minute and half later, I fall asleep still on top of the covers and still in my dress. At least I took the heels off.

As I’m going to sleep, I have the oddest sensation. Like I’m not putting together puzzle pieces that are obvious. I’m just too tired to get into that right now.

  
  


_ Josh _

_ April 29th, 2010 _

 

What are you supposed to do when you’re pretty sure your fiancee is pregnant and doesn’t realize it? This is a situation that requires more tact than I think I have and it’s not like I can go asking someone for advice!

I’m laying awake staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out the best way to approach this with Donna. When we got off the phone the other night, it hit me in the middle of the sit room. Santos and General Booker gave me a look when I jolted suddenly but I tried to continue as business as normal despite having just put together a number of Donna’s symptoms. She’s been exhausted. She’s been more inclined to crying than usual. She’s been vomiting. And god help me if I say this out loud but she has put on more weight. I know Donna’s body rather intimately. I’ve been dreaming of it and thinking about it for over a decade. I recognize changes. Her hips and her breasts have become more…  _ cushioned _ . Okay, yeah, nope. Definitely not going to put it that way. It’s not  _ significant _ really. I doubt even Donna has noted the difference. Of course, these things don’t  _ necessarily _ mean pregnancy- I told myself in the sit room.

When I came back and listened to Donna’s sleepy voicemail saying she got in alright, I tucked the last piece of the puzzle into place in my head. Donna hasn’t had her period. 

I’m a smart man. I’ve taken note of when Donna is usually on her period. At first, I only noticed when I’d try to touch her in a way that meant I wanted to do more and she’d put those attempts to bed with a glare. The first few months I didn’t put it together. It was transition and then the first 100 days in office so we weren’t yet living together and I was pretty busy.

Then a few months after our first trip to Hawaii, we’re out to dinner and she’s more indecisive than usual about what she’s getting. Then I jokingly tell her to get both and she does. And then orders cheesecake. She insists on paying since she got so much and I roll my eyes and let her because I hadn’t given in on the check battle we were having every time we went out in a while. And later that night when she gave me the  _ touch me and lose your fingers _ look, I (with tact a la Lyman) asked if she were on her period. I immediately recognized my mistake but before I could apologize, Donna yelled at me and turned to go pout on the couch. I made apology tea and told her I’d go run to CVS for Reese’s if she wanted. She laughed and told me snuggling would do.

And from that month on, I noted the date and made sure I had candy, tea, and advil on hand during that time. And now that we were engaged and living together, it was fairly clear when she was and wasn’t on her period and she hadn’t been since the beginning of March. She  _ could _ be three and half weeks late but given the sum total of her symptoms… Donna is pregnant. My stomach flips over in nerves but my face doesn’t get the message because I feel a small smile coming through.

Yesterday morning, I picked her up from Andrews when her and the First Lady returned and tried to get her to go to the doctor without revealing my suspicions. She just wanted to go home. Her puppy dog eyes won me over. I stayed with her at home for a few hours before going into the office to check in and take a meeting with budget but I was home by six since it was only Sunday.

I broached the going to the doctor subject again and she said she was feeling much better and hadn’t gotten sick since early in the morning. I still couldn’t get the words out that I thought she should go because she was pregnant so I just dug into my pasta.

Donna woke up around two in the morning and got sick. She was too tired and nauseous looking that I told myself I’d say something in the morning. It’s now morning. Well, only three and half hours later.

I get out of bed and put coffee on. I turn the computer on and start checking the news sites. It’s only a few minutes later that I hear a scampering from the bedroom and then coughing, gagging noise. I rush to the bathroom and Donna is kneeling over the toilet again. I move to rub her back before a thought clicks in my brain.

“I’ll be right back, love.” I mumble as I rush out to the kitchen and stop the coffee maker. Donna probably smelled the coffee and got ill from it. That happens with pregnant women on TV. I pour what was in the jug down the sink and run the water. I spray some of the lemony stuff around before returning to Donna.

Once she’s feeling better we go out to the kitchen.

“Didn’t you start coffee?” She looks at the empty and off coffee maker.

“Uh… what about tea? Do you want tea?”

“Josh… What’s going on?” She sounds suspicious. She steps towards the coffee maker to turn it on and I sidestep to get in her way. “What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing! I just think we should have tea!” My voice is high and squeaky. “Or water! You should have water. You just threw up. Why do you want coffee, weirdo?”

“Because it’s early? Because it’s Monday morning? What on earth is going on with you?”

“Uh… okay. So… Hmm.” I stall, hoping inspiration will hit and I’ll find the right words. I get Donna some water as part two of my stalling tactic. She sees through it, of course, but she takes the water and drinks it down. “So, uh, how ya feelin’?”

“Josh! Stop stalling.”

“I’m- I am not. Just, tell me how you’re feeling.”

“Annoyed.” She scrunches her face up at me. I resist the urge to chuckle at how adorable she is when she does that.

“No, really. How are you feeling? You said yesterday you were better right? But you got sick in the middle of the night and this morning?” She sighs, seeming to accept my odd line of questioning.

“I’m fine. I don’t need to see a doctor, Josh. This will pass. It might just be…” She trails off. I’m hoping she’ll come to the conclusion I have on her own. “I don’t know, bad food.” Well, you can lead a horse to water.

“Well… then tea will probably be good for an upset stomach.” And I chicken out. Donna squints at me but shrugs.

“I’m gonna go start getting ready.” She tells me and I nod. My phone rings and it’s from Lou so I’m waylaid by work for a little bit.

By the time I bring her back tea and toast, Donna is out of the shower. Her pants are on, her hair is wet, and she’s trying to perform her typical acrobat routine of hooking her bra behind her back.

“Josh.” My eyes snap up to her face, I’m sure looking guilty. “Can you stop ogling me and help me?” I hand her the mug and set the toast on the nightstand. She turns around and I go to hook her bra for her. “Are you putting it on the second hook?”

“Um, no. It’s the first one.”

“The second one fits better please.”

“Uh… are you sure that’s comfortable?” I question her as I do as she says and clip on the second hook, the fabric looking a bit strained to me. She turns around, looking at me like I’ve gone crazy.

“What? Josh! I always wear this bra on the second hook.” I’m distracted by the bra that has pushed her breasts up in a way that is making me forget about the mess at work Lou just told me about. “Earth to Joshua!?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry.”

“What’s got you so caveman this morning?” She laughs and starts to put on her lavender button down.

“Well…” I trail off. Donna has reached the buttons by her breasts. They’re straining a bit.

“Did this shrink?” She mutters under her breath with irritation.

“Nope.” My mouth shoots off before my brain.

“Excuse me? Joshua, what is with you!?” She appears to have reached the end of her rope with me. I groan loudly and flop on to the bed with a sense impending doom.

“Donna, don’t make me say it.”

“Josh Lyman! What in God’s-”

“Donna! You’re pregnant!” Uh oh. I’m pretty sure that was a bad way to go about this. I pop up and look at her. Her big blue eyes have gone wide and her mouth is opening closing as if she’s trying to get something out.

“You think… Why would you… Josh!” I watch her expression go from confusion to irritation to realization in a span of ten seconds. Her hands fly up to her mouth as it makes an O. “Josh?” She says quietly, looking at me with such vulnerability in her eyes it breaks my heart. I reach out and wrap her in my arms.

“Hey, hey. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just blurted that out.”

“No. I- I just don’t get how you… and I didn’t…” She’s getting choked up and my heart twists painfully. I hate it when she cries.

“Donnatella, it’s alright, beautiful. You just weren’t thinking about it.”

“And you were!? How long have you thought this!?” She pushes me away just a little bit to look at my face. At least if she’s annoyed with me, her tears have temporarily been paused.

“I just- I put it together… ya know, the night you were in California.”

“H-how!? Dammit! I…”

“Look, babe, we don’t even know for sure yet. I could be wrong. It’s been known to happen every once in a blue moon. Thought I understand your doubt that it could happen, every once in a while...” I try to keep my tone light. It works a little and she rolls her eyes at my false bravado about being wrong so rarely.

“Joooosh.”  She groans and throws her head into my chest. I rub her back some more. “How are you so fucking calm!?” My eyebrows raise in shock at her sudden cursing. It’s not that Donna  _ doesn’t _ ever curse. This just seems more out of the blue.

“Donnatella.” I pull back a bit to cradle her head in my hands. “Having a baby with you doesn’t scare me. I love you.”

“I-I love you too! But this is totally the wrong time! And I don’t understand how this could have happened! I’m on the pill-” She stops herself and freezes for a second before racing to the bathroom. I follow her. She takes the little blue folded thing out of the medicine cabinet and looks at it.

“I’m an idiot.” She declares, staring at it in horror.

“No, no. You’re not.”

“I’ve forgotten to take my birth control, Josh! Not just once! But quite often over the past few months. Oh. My. God. What am I? Sixteen!? Jesus.”

“I hope not. Freddie Briggs doesn’t seem like father material.” Oops. Donna’s glare now has nothing on the _don’t touch me I’m bleeding_ _and angry at mankind_ glare. If looks could kill, I’d be nothing but steam now. “Sorry! Sorry! I’m not funny! I won’t pass my sense of humor to our kid! I’ll never make a joke in their presence.” I grin at her sheepishly. She harrumphs and slams the blue packet down before gliding past me and back into the bedroom.

It’s not every day that Donna is the one pacing and I’m the one trying to be patient sitting on the bed but I decide it’s in both our best interests to let her process this a bit.

We’re almost certainly going to be late for work but that’s not my top concern and I don’t think it’s even on Donna’s list of concerns in this moment. I’m so lost in thinking about what she might be thinking about that I don’t realize that she’s stopped pacing. When I come to and look at her, she’s looking back at me with hot tears running down her face. I reach forward and grab her hand, pulling her towards the bed. I go to unbutton her shirt but her hands stop me.

“Josh! Is this really the best time!?”

“I’m not trying to seduce you, Donna. Just making you more comfortable before we lay back down.” She relaxes her tense frame and I resume my task of undressing her. I take my tee shirt off and put it on her once she’s only in her underwear. I scoop her up onto the bed with me.

“Josh?” She murmurs into my chest.

“Yeah, love?” I’m stroking her hair down her back.

“It was an accident. I didn’t…” She’s crying again and I hate that this so upsetting for her.

“I know. I know. It’s okay.”

“It’s not, Josh. It’s such a bad time! We’re a month and a half away from our wedding!”

“Donna, there’s no such thing. I love you. You love me. I want to have a family with you. I don’t care how or when it happens. Everything will be okay. You can get your dress taken out a bit. We’ll figure out work-” I should’ve known better to bring up work as she was finally relaxing. She pops up.

“Oh my god! We’re gonna be so late!” I manage to reach my arms around her waist before she can hop out of bed.

“Listen, we’re already gonna be late. Let’s just call in for today. Or at least for a few hours. We need to call your doctor to so we can be sure…” I watch her weigh these options and she must decide I’m right because she flops back onto the bed. I snuggle into her neck for a second before reaching back to where the landline is on the nightstand on Donna’s side.

I dial Sam first.

“Sam Seaborn.”

“Hey, Sam. It’s me. I need you to do me a favor.”

“Hey, I’m about to be there. I’ll be parking in three minutes.”

“Great, great. Except I’m not there. I’ve got a thing. I need you to do senior staff this morning then staff the president for the first hour or two.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ve got Kingston at ten thirty though. I moved him back twice last week…” Sam trails off.

“That’s fine. Lou has her hands full this morning- get Connie or Bram to staff the President til I can get there or your meeting is done. You good with that?”

“Yeah… Yeah. Everything alright?”

“Yeah. Donna is still not feeling well, I’m taking her to the doctor but I’m not sure how early we’ll be able to get in.” I tell him a half-truth, running my hand up and down Donna’s side. I call Margaret next and give her the same line and tell her to help Sam get ready for senior staff and to rework any of my meetings that I was supposed to have this morning.

“You need to call Helen?” I hold out the phone to her. She nods and takes it. She tells Helen she is going to the doctor but plans on coming in but I can hear Helen tell her not to be silly, that she is to stay home and that Helen will pry an executive order out of her husband if she needs to. Donna rolls her eyes and agrees. Donna calls her assistant then Annabeth next. They wish her well and Amber, her assistant, asks if there’s anything she can do. Donna asks her to bring her some work by later today, that Donna will call when she gets back from the doctor so she knows when to come by. I hold my tongue and don’t tell Donna it’d be better for her to take advantage of the day off. That’s just not who we really are.

“Alright. Your doctor next?” I ask. She nods, biting her lip, looking nervous. I lean over and kiss her.

“Thank you.” She says.

“For what?” My eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“For being so great. I… I’m scared out of my mind but the idea of you as a dad… that makes me happy.” I can’t help the smile that erupts on my face.

“You’re gonna be a great mom. I love you so much.” I punctuate the last sentence with a kiss on her nose between every word. Good god, if republicans could see what a puddle this woman has turned me into.

  
  


Donna

_ April 30th, 2010 _

 

I’m pregnant. I know it. Now.

I can’t believe Josh figured this out before me. I’m staring at myself in the mirror naked now which isn’t something I’ve done a ton of before. And I’m not entirely sure if my brain is exaggerating the changes but my stomach is more stretched and my boobs are larger. I have love handles for the first time in my life. Okay, that might be an exaggeration. But they are definitely different from my slim hip bones I’m used to.

I’m beginning to feel like a voyeur of my own body so I reach for the towel to cover up again as Josh walks in. He’s in his work pants but barefoot with no shirt. God, the man is just delectable. I meet his eyes after a minute or so. They’re shimmering with lust and mischief.

“Is this pregnancy hormones or just me?” He grins. I roll my eyes and turn back to the counter and start fiddling with the toothpaste. He wraps his arms around my waist and waits for me to look up at him in the mirror.

“We need to leave in the next twenty minutes if we wanna be on time, Joshua.” I tell him.

“I know.” He whispers in my ear, kissing my neck.

“Josh!” I scold as his hands do some meandering but I don’t do much to stop him.

“There’s a lot that can be done in twenty minutes.”

“You do like a challenge.”

  
  


We’re less than fifteen minutes late, an impressive feat given how quickly we had to get ready and make it through traffic. My leg is bouncing as we sit in the waiting room. I wonder how Josh is taking everything so well. I thought pregnancy would freak him out. I thought we’d have more time. That we would get married and then we’d work up to the conversation about trying. Then I’d sit him down one night and tell him and he’d freak out a little but then he’d be happy. I didn’t expect it to happen so close to our wedding date. And I’d imagined that if I ever got accidentally pregnant I’d have to talk him off the walls.

Meanwhile, he’s the one who realized it! And he’s being so wonderful and supportive and calm and normal and I’m the one freaking out. I spent most of yesterday teetering between the idea that Josh was out of his mind and that there was no way I was pregnant or that I was absolutely with child and an idiot for not realizing or at least suspecting it. 

“Donna Moss?” A nurse wearing rabbit-themed scrubs asks. I nod and we stand to follow her. She leads me to the weight measure and I hand Josh my jacket and my purse, feeling a little nervous about getting on the scale. He gives me a reassuring smile and I try to keep my face blank. I don’t look down at the number on purpose.

“Okay, 134. You can step off the scale, Miss Moss.” 134 isn’t that big of a difference. I’ve weighed more than that before. But it bothers me she says it out loud. She doesn’t know my comfortability level with Josh! He could be like a one night stand being a gentlemen and taking me to this appointment. Josh reads my irritation pretty easy and slips his hand into mine, giving it a squeeze.

“If you’ll follow me to the exam room and we’ll have a quick chat to answer some preliminary questions then Dr. Nunes will be right in!” She’s far too cheery. The exam room is painted a light yellow and the paper on the bed crinkles loudly as I sit up on it.

“So Miss Moss-”

“Donna is fine.” I interrupt her. Josh sits in the chair in the corner. I have sudden desire to run out the room.

“Okay, Donna. When was the date of your last period?”

“Uh, March 4th. It ended around then.”

“Okay, were you sexually active around that time?”

“Yes.” I blush a little. No idea why. I’m an adult woman who’s been going to the gynecologist for how long!? I don’t know why I’m getting shy now.

“How often would you say?” Josh coughs awkwardly at her question and I shoot him a look.

“Often.” I reply shortly.

“I understand this can be embarrassing but if you’d prefer your partner can step outside.”

“No! I, uh, no. I want him here.” I’m blushing more at acting like a kid who needs their parent around for the dentist visit.

“Okay, how many times a week would you say you’re sexually active?” I try not to notice Josh’s smirk he’s attempting to keep off his face.

“Um. Probably 5 times a week.” Josh raises a brow at my answer. If we’re in the apartment together, chances are we’re having sex that night at least once. But with the times that we’re away, I figure it averages out to 5 times a week. Josh keeps his mouth shut with his objection over my math though.

The nurse finishes her questions and leaves me with a hospital gown to change into. She asks if Josh wants to step outside again and I suppress the urge to give her a dubious look and just tell her that it’s fine.

“Five?” He asks me when the door closes. I roll my eyes and toss my shirt at him. He grins, standing to kiss me quickly. I’m changed into the hospital gown in no time and then we’re just waiting on the doctor. Josh keeps up idle conversation that I’m grateful for. I don’t want to focus too much on the pregnancy thing I’m about to be shown incontrovertible proof of.

The knock on the door makes the hair on my neck stand up. I lose the ability to speak for a second and look at Josh. I’m grateful that we’re able to communicate without words because he tells the doctor she can come in.

“Donna! Lovely to see you again, now you were just here for your check up. Is there another reason you might be here today?” She asks with a coy expression. I like Dr. Nunes a lot. I’ve been seeing her for the past six years and she’s always been down to earth and blunt in a way that’s comforting for me.

“Yes, Doctor. I-I think I’m pregnant.” I stutter. She gives me a small smile before facing Josh. 

“Your fault?” She throws out at him. He takes a mental jump back. I didn’t prepare him for Dr. Nunes’ personality. I thought it’d be fun. I was right.

“Uh- well. Um, I guess if you-”

“Relax, Josh. I’ve heard all about you. Great ring.” She winks at him, pulling up the stool closer to me. “Alright, Donna. I’ve looked over the answers you gave the nurse and I’m going to ask you some follow  up then we’ll get the ultrasound in here to see what we can see.”

“Sounds good.” I’m feeling a little more at ease now but I can still feel the tension in my shoulders.

“I wanna talk about your exhaustion level. Would you say work has been more stressful lately?”

“No, not really.”

“She’s been travelling a lot. If that’s-” Josh shuts up as both the doctor and I give him looks. He has the grace to look sheepish. I give him a smile just so he knows I’m not mad.

“Okay. Have you noticed your breasts being more tender?”

“Yeah, a little. I just thought I was PMS-ing.”

“For how long?”

“A week, maybe two.” I blush.

“When did you first suspect you were pregnant?” I look over at Josh who’s obviously trying to look innocent. I sigh slightly before admitting the truth.

“I didn’t. Josh figured it out.”

“Ah, okay. Josh, when did you first suspect?”

“Um, I didn’t really  _ really  _ piece it together until the past few days! But, uh, I’ve had inklings for a week… or two.” This is news to me.

“Josh!” I chirp. He puts his hands up innocently.

“When would you say your symptoms first started? The nausea, the tiredness?”

“About three weeks ago, a little more maybe.”

“Okay, Donna, looking at your menstral cycle I’d say you’re about six weeks pregnant if you indeed are. I’m going to be right back with what I need for the ultrasound, okay?” Dr. Nunes patted my shoulder as she left the room.

“Sorry!” Josh piped up when the door closed. I roll my eyes but I’m not really that upset with him. It’s more me.

“It’s fine, babe. Just, um, come here for a second.” I ask him. He looks confused but stands by me. When he’s close enough for me to do so, I lean into his chest, letting my face be smothered by his button down. His arms wrap around me, his right hand running through my hair.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just scared about if it’s… real. Or if it’s not. You’ve been so great. I- I. Well, what if I’m not? Will you be disappointed?” I mutter through his chest.

“I get to marry you in a month regardless. There’s not a happier man alive.”

“You should be a little less wonderful. You’re setting the husband bar a little high.”

“I’ve always been terrible at limbo anyways.” He shrugs.

“Yeah? A great pole vaulter, were you?”

“Yup.” I can feel him smile into my hair.

We slowly separate ourselves as Dr. Nunes knocks and comes in with the ultrasound machine and tools. The video screen is blank right now and I feel a fluttering in my stomach at the idea that I’m about to see my baby for the first time. Two minutes ago, I was still pretty unsure. But something about this just made it real for me.

“Alright Donna, lie back, put your legs up here.” I follow her instructions but not before I glimpse a look at the tube thing she’s putting jelly on. I have a bad feeling about this.

“Doc, what is that!?” My voice does the Josh thing where it goes all high.

“It’s called a transducer, Donna. I know it’s not the one in the shows but when it’s this early in the pregnancy we have to use a vaginal probe.” I look over at Josh who’s gone a little pale and I reach for his hand. He stands closer to my head and we ease one another anxiety with eye contact.

“Will it hurt her?” He asks.

“Not any more uncomfortable than a pap smear.” Greaaat. Josh’s confusion isn’t cleared up much but I give the doc the nod to go ahead. “So from this, we’ll know if you’re pregnant. You’ll be able to hear the heart rate and see the umbilical cord, the size of the embryo, and the placenta. We should be able to get a better week estimate as well.”

When she inserts the transducer, it’s not  _ pleasant _ but nothing to groan about either. Josh’s eyes are glued to me until we hear it.

“Oh, there it is. That’s your baby’s heart rate.” Josh’s eyes switch between the monitor and me while I try to blink the tears out of my eyes.

“Josh?” I whisper. He looks at me so lovingly that I have to close my eyes. There’s a part of me remembering a hospital far from here, where I cried and Josh sat beside me. When I didn’t think that  _ this _ was possible. When I wasn’t sure if I’d have a future, much less if I would have one with Josh. I open my eyes when I feel him lean down to bury his face in my neck. I kiss his curls, hoping to convey what I can’t with words. Through all this the whoosh of our child’s heartbeat surrounds us.

“I love you.” Josh whispers in a low voice. The low tone has two effects. One, it’s only for my ears. Two, I want to jump him.

  
  


Hours later when we’re home, watching the news on the couch, wrapped up in one another, I’m lost in thought. I’m seven weeks pregnant. Apparently I got pregnant the week before my period started. Truthfully, I think Josh is still confused there. But we both know that our baby is due on January 20th. I’m pretty sure that date is just circling in both our minds. That it won’t be long before the two of us are parents. Responsible for the tiny baby that’s inside of me.

And before that happens? We have to have a wedding. You’d be freaking out to if you were me.

  
  


_ Josh _

_ May 12th, 2010 _

 

So I’m marrying Donna in a week. Donna’s baby bump is barely visible but she insists that it is. Her dress had to be let out just a little bit at her fitting the other day. Her nausea hasn’t improved at all. Our sex life has slowed down considerably. It doesn’t bother me really. Except that I’m pretty sure it’s because she’s not feeling particularly confident.

I’ve found her staring at mirrors with a pinched expression. I’m trying to do the whole cheerleader, supportive fiance thing but things have heated up in Kazakhstan and the South China Sea. I’ve spent more time in the sit room or with Arnold Vinnick at Foggy Bottom in the past seventy-two hours than at home.

Tonight, however, I have plans to surprise Donna. We’re going to a Korean BBQ place that I know she’s been dying to try then I’ve rented two of Donna’s favorite movies (When Harry Met Sally and How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days). I finish up my meeting with Sheila Holbrook and leave for the East Wing.

It’s only seven thirty but I find Donna asleep at her desk. Papers crowd her and her forehead rests on her keyboard. My heart constricts in my chest. She’s so tired. I didn’t expect pregnancy to take this much out of her.

I called Dr. Nunes last week. Donna was throwing up all hours of the night and she seemed too exhausted. Dr. Nunes assured me that it was normal. Donna was irritated with me for about two hours before forgiving me with the price of couch cuddles and an earl grey tea.

I shake Donna awake gently. She startles still.

“Cornflower!” She mutters as she comes to. Cornflower blue is one of our wedding colors. Donna has been stressed about this wedding. But it’s so close now I’m thinking that it’s out of our hands.

“Good morning beautiful.”

“What? Josh?”

“Have a nice nap?” I reach behind her to massage her neck. It had to be a little stiff from the angle she had it on her desk.

“Mhm. Yeah. Can we go home now?”

“Of course.” So Korean BBQ will wait to another night. She’s too tired. I help her gather her things and we meander through the White House and as we’re about to go outside she stops.

“Nope. That’s it. I have to tell someone!” She exclaims turning herself on her heel and marches off in the direction of the West Wing. It takes me a second to catch up.

“Donna? Donna, what do you mean?”

“I’m not waiting three more weeks, Josh. I have to tell someone. I’m going insane!” She starts out in a whisper but her volume quickly elevates. She’s headlong for the operations bullpen. People turn and look our way as she stampedes through but I throw them a look and they turn away quickly.

“Donna, let’s just-”

“No! I’m tired of it all being on me. I need someone else to freak out! You are too calm!” I’m feeling confused by the time she makes it to Sam’s office, my old office. I notice her small expression change for a second as she looks at her old desk but she doesn’t pause. She throws open Sam’s door.

“Donna?” He says, looking befuddled. I shrug at his questioning glance at me.

“Sam, page Ainsley to get her ass down here right now.”

“Donna?”

“Sam!”

“Okay, okay!” He fumbles to get his cell phone and send Ainsley a text. Donna paces as we wait. Sam is trying to communicate with me through confused glances but I’m letting Donna take the reins here. Seems only right.

“Is everything okay, Sa…” Ainsley trails off as she processes Donna. “Donna? Did something happen with the wedding plans?”

“You could say that!” She sighs loudly and finally appears to have tired herself out with the pacing. She sits in the visitor’s chair.

“Donna?” Ainsley inquires again.

“Why do you people keep saying that?”

“Because, love, you’re having a bit of a nutty.” I pipe up helpfully. Her glare indicates she’s not particularly pleased with my commentary.

“Ugh! You! Tell them!”

“What? Don’t you want to…? This was your idea!” I stutter.

“Can someone just tell us what’s going on? Are you guys okay?” Sam asks.

“We’re fine, Sam.” I assure him.

“Speak for yourself, pal.”

“Donna.” I sigh.

“I’m pregnant. And I’m getting married in a week as you both know considering your positions in the wedding party and I’m freaking out because I am about ten weeks pregnant and fat and I have acne. Did you know you get acne when you’re pregnant? I’m going to look like junior year Donna at my wedding! And I’m fat! Everything is terrible and Josh is busy being Mr. Fantastic and I need you all to freak out.”

We’re all quiet as we take in Donna’s rant. I don’t know what she’s talking about with the acne. I haven’t noticed anything. I’ve noticed other changes. Like, yes, her hips are a little more round. And her aereolas are darker and more sensitive. All things that are in accordance with the two books in my nightstand.

“Donna?” Sam breaks the silence first.

“Stop! Saying! That! Like! That!” Donna trills.

“Donna, come here.” Ainsley reaches out for a hug and Donna folds into it. “Listen, you’re going to be beautiful. You  _ are _ beautiful. Why don’t we have a spa day tomorrow morning? It’s a Saturday!” Ainsley seems to know what she’s doing better than Sam and I.

“Aren’t we doing that the day before the wedding anyways?”

“Yeah but two trips to the spa never hurt anyone. Besides, Josh is going to pay for it.” Ainsley turns her smile on me. I nod vigorously because I just want Donna to not cry. “Good boy.” Ainsley says to me as if I’m a dog who rolled over when told. I glare at her a little when Donna turns away from me. Ainsley sticks her tongue out at me.

Ainsley and I during the wedding planning process have become closer. Less as friends, more like siblings who can’t stand one another but love each other despite that. Donna and Sam laugh and play mediator.

“Sam? You’re not saying anything?” Donna looks at him. I can imagine the red-rimmed puppy dog eyes. Sam is quiet for a rather pregnant pause- don’t mind the pun.

“I am extremely happy for you two.” He sounds more than a little choked up. “Thank you for telling us.”

“Of course, Sam. I know I… I know I was a little freaked out but you guys, you and Ains, you’ve become our family. Right, Josh?” Donna looks over at me. Now I’m just as choked up as Sam. I push myself off the wall and throw my arm around Ainsley and look Sam in the eye.

“Yeah. You are.”

Sam and I can’t stop the smiles from spreading across our faces. I think Ainsley is crying. I know Donna is. I can’t wait for my baby to know their god father.


End file.
